Yesterday, I went to the Health Department to get a prescription and met this wonderful lady. For the life of me I can't remember her name. (I tend to do that, forget names because I figure I will not talk to them again, or that they are people I feel won't be interested to talk to me again. I think to myself: "Why remember their names?"). But now I wish I had remembered. So, She asked me general health questions and I can see that she was genuinely concerned about my health and wanted to talk to me about my weight problems. She didn't seem like she was just asking the questions because she had to, but instead she really wanted to know. I have met many people that acted concerned only to find out that they asked questions because they wanted to talk about themselves. Anyway, we talked about our weight problems and gave each other feedback. I was happy. I guess I really do need someone to listen and someone who understands. I have my sister and we both have extreme weight issues but she mainly wants to talk about herself (because she has no one to listen to her) and she listens to me but I feel that she is only listening because I am talking not because she wants to know, or that she is listening because she has nothing else better to do. But, I've realized that she has some of the same hangups as me and we both can't cure each other because we are both lacking. Though, there are times that I feel she genuinely wants to know how I been or how I feel. But I just don't know how to respond to her and I don't know what to say because I've lost the knack of communication with others. (I've become reclusive and it's making me depressed. God, I wish I had some friends. But I'm afraid of rejection so I haven't tried to make any. *cries* And the unicycle of depression rides on.) But I'm happy to know that there are caring people that listen because recently I felt that there wasn't anyone in the medical field that truly cared.
On a slightly different topic, today I took a depression test online: depressedtest.com. Which is meant for education/entertainment and not an accurate medical diagnosis and found out that I am indeed digging a tunnel into a deep pit and no rope to climb out with. (My results are on the side bar) I then searched for ways to end my depression and found a site called zenhabits.net good stuff that site. Grade:100/100. Check it out!
These days I'm having more downs than ups, but I think that I can change! (bad habit: I think... [crap] This should be I know... Damn bad habits. I'm currently under construction.) If I don't change the way I think then I will never see the rope dangling in my face. (refer to my comment on a deep pit.)
Well that's all that I can think of. Maybe later I will actually advertise my blog and let people read it. But for now maybe this will help someone in desperate need of someone to talk to and be their Ray of Light.
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